Humour & Satire – Page 3

What in Hell…?

Hades, you know, isn’t a place. It’s a guy. The Greek god of the underworld. His territory consists of a bunch of domains, including the rather unpleasant Tartarus, where souls – called shades – suffer eternal punishment. Hades wasn’t a fun god. If you weren’t getting your skin ripped off in Tartarus, life sucked in other ways. You moped about in the other domains, lethargically meandering around the afterlife without much purpose. Sort of like former politicians or local bloggers. That’s the sort of thing you learn when you read books. And the sort of thing that gets me labelled … click below for more ↓

The Enemies List

2013-07-19 2013-07-19 Collingwood / Humour & Satire / Municipal Politics2 Comments

Canadians barely lifted an eyebrow in surprise when it was revealed that our Prime Minister had an “enemies list” compiled as a warning to newly-minted cabinet ministers laying out who they can’t trust. I mean, we’ve lived with Harper as leader long enough not be shocked by anything that seems petty, autocratic, paranoid or Republican. So what if the list was so long it had to be delivered in several boxes and had more names than the GTA white pages? The Toronto Star editorialized about how the “PMO’s derisive and adversarial tone is rightly ringing alarm bells.” Clearly they haven’t … click below for more ↓

The CAO Conspiracies

2013-07-04 2015-06-07 Collingwood / Conspiracy Theories / Humour & Satire / Municipal PoliticsOne Comment

Collingwood has appointed an interim CAO, John Brown, former city manager of Brantford, St. John’s and Oshawa, to help the town’s administration and governance during the interim while we search for a full-time CAO. This will, of course, send the bloggers into a frothing tizzy of frenetic accusations and conspiracy theories. So to save them the effort of having to explain this, I have written some plausible conspiracy theories for them to consider for their own use: 1. It’s actually Paul Bonwick, cleverly disguised by cosmetic surgery to look shorter, older and bald. Paul was last seen boarding a plane to the … click below for more ↓

The Game of the Book of Thrones

2013-06-29 2013-06-29 Books & Reviews / Critical Thinking / Humour & Satire / What I'm Reading NowLeave a comment

No, it’s not about that heavyweight book series by George Martin, or the TV series based on it (or even about how you really need to read the books to understand anything that is happening in the TV series). It’s about the other throne, the porcelain one. And what books are best for reading thereon. Yes, reading on the toilet. Don’t tell me you just sit there and stare vacantly into space. This is important time. Those few rare minutes when we really have uninterrupted time to ourselves; quality time with our bodily functions unhampered by TV, by the phone, … click below for more ↓

To sleep, perchance to dream

2013-03-02 2013-03-02 Collingwood / Humour & Satire / My Writing / Personal Reminiscences / Pets & Animal BehaviourLeave a comment

Aye, there’s the rub. To sleep in, one weekend morning, when there are no pressures for meetings, work, deadlines. To roll away from the soft light that filters through the blinds and enjoy that delicious moment of closing your eyes and drifting back into a dream. Covers pulled up, the street quiet outside the widow, the furnace gently wheezing its warm air into the room; nothing is better in the world. But of course, there are others with different ideas. The real masters of the house brook no laziness, have no interest in our needs, in how much wine we … click below for more ↓

Another day on the job in Paradise… chapter one

2013-01-25 2013-01-25 Balderdash & Hoaxes / Humour & Satire / Literary pretensions / My WritingLeave a comment

Mayor Ralph “Bosco” Hearne, whistling softly “Everything’s Up to Date in Kansas City” under his breath, gazed at the wood-and-polished-brass, 19th-century front doors of town hall and nodded slightly in approval. He stopped whistling, paused, and breathed out a gentle sigh of satisfaction. The gleam of the brass was unobstructed; his view extended through the big glass window clear into the atrium and to the back with its veined marble wall without a single thing to distract it. A few short minutes and the doors would open; town hall would be bustling with staff; residents would come and go, doing … click below for more ↓

Not the expected blog post, I’m afraid

2013-01-24 2013-01-24 Books & Reviews / Humour & Satire / Literary pretensions / Municipal Politics / Personal Reminiscences5 Comments

Sorry to disappoint those readers who expected this to be a blog post on ukuleles, tequila or our beautiful Mexican Sister City, Zihuatanejo (“Zee-hwa” for those in the know). I refer, of course, to comments in the recent parody video, in which my blog was commented upon (as if blogging was something conspiratorial, but it seems pretty much everything is, these days for some folks…). However, my energies have of late been taken up by several other pressing projects, meetings and local political issues, so those topics have become back-burner projects. Sorry. Speaking of conspiracies, my main research – online and … click below for more ↓

Foolish words that still resonate

2013-01-23 2013-01-23 Books & Reviews / Humour & Satire / Language & Grammar / My Writing / Religion2 Comments

Foolosopher. What a wonderful word. Not much in use these days, but it ought to be. It is a portmanteau word, first used in English way back in 1549*, according to my copy of the Concise Oxford English Dictionary. It defines foolosopher as, “A foolish pretender to philosophy.” So foolosophy is therefore the “foolish pretence of philosophy.” Philosophy comes from the Greek (philo and sophia), meaning, literally, “love of knowledge,” but more generally the word means just knowledge or reasoning (Johnson, 1755). We suffer from a surfeit of foolosophers, these days, methinks. Thanks to the internet, foolosophers have sloughed the … click below for more ↓

A Council Christmas Carol – Part 2

2012-12-28 2012-12-28 Arts / Books & Reviews / Collingwood / Humour & Satire / Literary pretensions / Municipal Politics / Personal Reminiscences5 Comments

STAVE TWO (continued from Part 1). THE FIRST OF THE THREE SPIRITS. I awoke in the dark, late Friday night. Winter days are so short that sometimes it seems a mere moment passes between sunrise and sunset. The day had whizzed by, a flurry of phone calls, reading, emails, walking the dog and shovelling the driveway as the snow continued to fall. By the time Susan came home and we had dinner, I was tired and aching from tossing snow. Sleep came quickly that evening, but didn’t last long. Now I was awake, mulling over last night’s events in my head. Looking from … click below for more ↓

A Council Christmas Carol – part 1

2012-12-20 2012-12-20 Collingwood / Humour & Satire / Municipal Politics / Personal ReminiscencesOne Comment

STAVE ONE. It was one of those long winter days. I was back in town late, that Thursday, well after dark, driving down the main street watching the heavy snow cover the road and sidewalks. I’d been out of town almost the whole day, entombed in various meetings. Too much time spent driving to and fro, too much coffee, junk food, and not enough exercise. I was tired, hungry, cranky and not at all in the holiday season spirit. All I wanted to do was get home and get into bed. But first I had to pick up the agenda from town hall. The … click below for more ↓

How to Survive the Mayan Apocalypse

2012-12-05 2012-12-05 Balderdash & Hoaxes / Humour & Satire / Memes; Internet & Social / Religion / Science & TechnologyLeave a comment

How will anyone survive the “end of the world” predicted for December 21, 2012? Easy: by breathing. That’s because it won’t happen. That the Mayans never predicted it would seems to have bypassed a few of the tin-foil-hat brigade. The complex Mayan calendar simply ends one of its long cycles – just like ours ends its annual cycle on December 31. Just like we end decades, centuries and millennia on Dec. 31 with a year that ends in zero (10, 100, 1000). But most important: it’s a calendar, fer cryin’ out loud. It’s not a Magic 8 Ball. You think the … click below for more ↓