{"id":3167,"date":"2012-12-21T07:00:28","date_gmt":"2012-12-21T12:00:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/ianchadwick.com\/blog\/?p=3167"},"modified":"2012-12-21T08:45:16","modified_gmt":"2012-12-21T13:45:16","slug":"four-words-about-the-mayan-apocalypse","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ianchadwick.com\/blog\/four-words-about-the-mayan-apocalypse\/","title":{"rendered":"Four words about the Mayan Apocalypse"},"content":{"rendered":"
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\"MayanFor all of you New Agers who expected something momentous to happen, December 21, because an obscure, millennium-old calendar ended on that date, and are disappointed that the world didn’t end, I have four words for you:<\/p>\n

I told you so.<\/strong><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Let me further educate you with a few choice bits of practical wisdom in case the lesson of Dec. 21 hasn’t yet sunk in:<\/p>\n

\"New<\/a>Astrology isn’t a science. Homeopathy isn’t a science. UFO-ology isn’t a science. Numerology isn’t a science. Iridology isn’t a science. Reflexology isn’t a science.\u00a0 Allopathy and aromatherapy aren’t science. Bioharmonics isn’t a science.\u00a0Acutonics isn’t a science. Creationism isn’t science. Therapeutic touch isn’t science.\u00a0They’re all\u00a0codswallop<\/a><\/em>.<\/p>\n

Predictions, prophesies, ancient texts\u00a0in languages you can’t read, messages muttered by self-described psychics, and the voices in your head don’t predict the future<\/em>.<\/p>\n

The position of the stars and planets, the lines on your palm, the bumps on your head, the fall of the tarot cards, the stone carvings of a dead civilization,\u00a0and the entrails of a dead chicken don’t predict the future<\/em>.<\/p>\n

You can’t “channel” angels, ghosts, demons,\u00a0alien abductors, telepathic spirits, invisible fiends, auras, your dead aunt,\u00a0or ectoplasmic muses because they aren’t real.<\/em><\/p>\n

Crystals and magnets don’t heal you. Prayer doesn’t heal you. Psychics don’t heal you.\u00a0Waving tuning forks over you, making exuberant flicking gestures over your sore limbs, sniffing\u00a0lavender or clove,\u00a0and sticking needles into your skin don’t heal you,\u00a0because they aren’t medicine<\/em>. A placebo effect may make you feel better for a while, but it isn’t a cure.<\/p>\n

Chakras aren’t organs<\/em>. Chi, prana, orgone energy\u00a0and auras are not organs, or bones or any other part of the body you can touch, photograph, tune, manipulate\u00a0or measure. They’re imaginary.<\/em><\/p>\n

\"ExorcisingYour dog, your cat, your parrot, the police\u00a0and your next door neighbour aren’t telepathic<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Obi Wan Kenobi isn’t real. He’s a fictional character from a movie<\/em>.\u00a0So was Commander Spock. People from your or anyone else’s past lives who give you advice today are fictional, too. Aliens who speak to people through brain implants aren’t real either. Crop circles are hoaxes<\/em> made by human pranksters, not some alien artwork.<\/p>\n

You weren’t abducted by aliens and had probes inserted into your orifices. You weren’t Cleopatra or Napoleon in a former life. You didn’t speed time in another dimension, on some astral plane or traveling out of your body. Those are just daydreams or hoaxes.<\/em><\/p>\n

And lastly: the Mayans made a calendar.<\/em> They didn’t carve a prophesy into the stone. All that claptrap about the end of the world was in your own imagination. You and your friends made it all up. You drank the silliness Kool-Aid. And we’re laughing at you. It’s a self-inflicted wound.<\/p>\n

Now get on with your lives.<\/strong> You might want to start paying attention to science. Or economics. Politics. Mathematics. Literature. Anything\u00a0instead of all this superstitious New Age claptrap you’ve been pursuing. Learn to think; be skeptical, question strange stuff that seems illogical because, if it includes crystals, auras, astral planes or angels,\u00a0it is<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

PS. Watch these characters. They will entertain you and you might get a little education at the same time:<\/em><\/p>\n

[youtube=www.youtube.com\/watch?v=1h_nWeXIVL0]
\n[youtube=www.youtube.com\/watch?v=b0IvM8c-Pew]
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For all of you New Agers who expected something momentous to happen, December 21, because an obscure, millennium-old calendar ended on that date, and are disappointed that the world didn’t end, I have four words for you: I told you so. Let me further educate you with a few choice bits of practical wisdom in case the lesson of Dec. 21 hasn’t yet sunk in: Astrology isn’t a science. Homeopathy isn’t a science. UFO-ology isn’t a science. Numerology isn’t a science. Iridology isn’t a science. Reflexology isn’t a science.\u00a0 Allopathy and aromatherapy aren’t science. Bioharmonics isn’t a science.\u00a0Acutonics isn’t a \u2026…… click below for more \u2193<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_hide_featured_image":false,"_jetpack_featured_image_duplicate_dismissed":0,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[14,155,69,5,96],"tags":[47,25,22,88],"class_list":["post-3167","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-atheism-spirituality","category-balderdash-and-hoaxes","category-internet-memes","category-science-technology","category-social-order-disorder","tag-meme","tag-pseudoscience","tag-superstition","tag-teotwawki"],"a3_pvc":{"activated":true,"total_views":10310,"today_views":0},"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/ianchadwick.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3167","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/ianchadwick.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/ianchadwick.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ianchadwick.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ianchadwick.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3167"}],"version-history":[{"count":25,"href":"https:\/\/ianchadwick.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3167\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3196,"href":"https:\/\/ianchadwick.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3167\/revisions\/3196"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/ianchadwick.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3167"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ianchadwick.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3167"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ianchadwick.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3167"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}