Collingwood’s comedy duo

Abbott (top) and CostelloAbbott and Costello. Laurel and Hardy. Pegg and Frost. Wilder and Feldman. Jeffrey and Doherty. Great comedy duos of our time. Such memorable moments they have given us.

Who can forget the timeless Abbott and Costello skit, “Who’s On First?” Or Laurel and Hardy’s “Soda Fountain” skit? W.C. Fields and Jody Gilbert doing “The Diner Skit” in Never Give a Sucker an Even Break? Or Jeffrey and Doherty in “How I Spent Your Tax Dollars Partying at FCM” at the last Collingwood Council meeting?

You can watch the skit here on the Rogers’ broadcast of the meeting. It starts about 1:52:58 and runs on for a laugh-a-minute pace until 2:21:05. That’s almost 30 non-stop minutes of side-splitting hilarity!

And to think, regular delegates only get a maximum of 10 minutes to entertain council. But when you’re part of The Block, you get to keep them in stitches three times that long! Oh, the lovely, lingering stench of entitlement.

And it’s well worth it, for you comedy fans. You’ll howl, you’ll guffaw, you’ll roll your eyes and snicker as our crazy comediennes stumble and fumble through their lines to justify why Councillor “Senator” Jeffrey was given a blank cheque by The Block for her unlimited expense account. Now she can fly her solo act all across Canada, wining and dining in style at your expense. After even a few minutes of this uproarious skit, you’ll want to throw money at her, too!

You’ll chuckle as our zany duo read their lines without even a hint of practice, sometimes pulled word for word from the conference brochures, swapping witty zingers such as these:

“It was brought to our attention that women only gained the right to vote 100 years ago.” (2:10:50)

“The Sunday afternoon we participated in elections and, uh, the election of the table officers.” (2:20:00)

“Um, the challenge for them now is to connect all of that infrastructure and all of those bike lanes.” (2:06:44)

“And then the delegates heard from host mayor Brian Bowman and host premier Brian Pallister and other FCM dignitaries.” (1:58:04)

“An FCM conference is not for the faint of heart. There’s a lot of things running concurrently and you kind of have to pick your poison and get to as many things as you can.” (1:58:22)

“He told a story about purchasing a gift when he was in Paris, France, and then gave the gift away and wanted another one, but he was already home.” (2:03:59)

I am a scientist, not a philosopher! You have more chance of reanimating this scalpel than of mending a broken nervous system. (00:45)

Okay, so the last line is from Gene Wilder in Young Frankenstein, not from the Jeffrey/Doherty skit. But it’s always good to throw in some lines from on of my favourite  movies.

So no more spoilers. You’ll have to watch it to enjoy this laughfest yourself. Get the drinks and popcorn and make it a family event.

And what do we get from their attendance at FCM? Thirty minutes of rationalization and defensive self-justification, just for us to chuckle over. Isn’t that enough?

You’ll be wanting to head downtown to attend the next council meeting to see just what these two get up to next. Maybe they’ll even have a funny skit on how The Block has thrown hundreds of thousands of your tax dollars at lawyers and buddy consultants. I can hardly wait to hear it!

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