Oh, Ann, You Do Make Me Laugh

Ann Coulter, that spewing harridan of hatred, bigotry, malevolence and xenophobia makes most thoughtful people cringe. Hell, she makes even rabid, right-wing frothers cringe. She makes the Westboro Baptist morons cringe. She makes the Duck Dynasty wingnuts cringe. She out-froths them all.

Coulter represents the worst of human behaviour and thought in so many areas, blackening the eyes of even the most fervent right wing, which she alleges to defend. But you have to admit this thick-as-a-brick viper is sometimes good for a laugh.

Coulter recently endorsed Donald Trump as the Republican presidential candidate. Which isn’t surprising: they are siblings in vehement hate speech. But I bet it made all the other candidates relieved: her endorsement would be the kiss of death to any reasonable or moderate candidate (yes, that description is a stretch for the lot of them: they are only moderate in comparison to the frontrunners… that doesn’t reduce their collective reprehensibleness…).

It would be a better political strategy to declare themselves atheist, gay and stricken with Ebola than to accept Coulter’s endorsement. That, at least, might appeal to some voters.

Earlier this week, uber-wingnut Phil Robertson of the sham “Duck Dynasty” series endorsed Ted Cruz, which likely had the more moderate candidates going “whew” and mopping their foreheads for having dodged that political bullet… I mean, seriously! Who would vote for a guy endorsed by a mealy-mouthed, bigoted,  TV charlatan?

Now with Coulter safely ensconced with the blowhard, racist Trump, the others can relax a bit. Celebrity endorsements like these can do more damage than help to a campaign (the sort of thing that would happen if Steven Harper endorsed Kevin O’Leary…). These endorsements set the bar so low that no one sane wants to crawl under it and join them.

But even as you wince while reading the latest dance-in-the-cow-patty statements by Coulter (and Robertson), you have to laugh. Is she really that stupid? That ignorant? That arrogant?

Yes, of course she is, but I think with this she’s hit a new low, IQ-wise. As Right Wing Watch reported, Coulter actually said:

“We are talking about the future of not only of America but of the last genuinely Christian country on earth and thus the world. If we lose America, it is lights out for the entire world for a thousand years.”

“The last genuinely Christian county on earth”? I wonder what the Europeans think of that. South and Central America? Rome? Admittedly, American has the highest number of self-professed Christians of any nation, but given the fractious nature of the religion and the number of fringe groups in that category (the Westboro Baptist as the epitome of ugly American Christianist thought….), it can hardly be said to be a cohesive belief.

And not to mention the Christianist worship of guns, which some see as idolatry…

A historical sidebar: Christianity was declared the state religion of Rome in 380 CE by Emperor Theodosius I. It’s been the religion of most European kingdoms, countries, principalities, fiefdoms, colonies and city states ever since. It still is.

Does Coulter think they all simply vanished in the intervening 1,600-plus years? Does she think none of the rest think of themselves as “genuinely Christian”? Probably not the American variety of gun-toting, murderous, intolerant, anti-gay, anti-life, anti-foreigner Christianists, of course. Maybe something more tolerant, more humane, more liberal (there’s that word Coulter hates…).

Well, Coulter was never very good about history. She believes, among many zany, silly things, that Canada sent troops to Viet Nam to fight beside Americans.

Does she think the US would suddenly see all its Christians flee to other lands, if Trump fails his presidential bid (yes, we live in hope…)? Yeah, I can just see it. Syria pondering the waves of terrorized Americans begging for asylum… and a dark age descending for the next millennium.

Does she think that the USA is more Christian than anyone else despite the separation of state and church enshrined in the US Constitution? The First Amendment reads, “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof.” Which means that, regardless of Coulter’s maniacal, monotheistic, myopic claim, anyone can legally worship anything in the USA, including the Flying Spaghetti Monster. (I’m considering getting my ordination papers…)

In the history of the older Christian nations, not believing in the state’s particular form of Christianity would get you hung, burned, drowned, stoned, beaten, shot or something worse for the last millennium and a half. As religions go, Christianity wasn’t happy unless it was roasting someone alive on a spit.

But all that fun is over. Gone when the Spanish Inquisition was officially ended in 1814. Coulter must look back on those days of red hot pokers and the rack with a certain nostalgia. I’m sure she’d bring it all back to meet her own Christianist ideals. What joys she’d have, pushing that poker into your liberal, atheist eyes in the name of Jesus… redeem you, she would.

Still,  you have to laugh at Coulter’s spittle-infused statements. If only because taking them seriously would have you parked in a rubber room for observation.

But wait, it gets better:

Coulter explained that God has a role in lifting up Trump’s candidacy: “It is like the fall of Rome but, thank God, and I am not using the Lord’s name in vain, I mean that absolutely literally, thank God for raising up Donald Trump and giving us a chance to save the country.”

I’m sorry, but I laughed tea through my nose when I read that. God made Donald Trump the saviour. A bit of the son-of-God patina smeared on him by Ann Coulter. Donald Trump as the messiah. Worth the laugh.

Coulter has an odd view of Christianity, which is summed up in her own words as being Tea-Party-like in its belligerent, anti-liberal views:

…Jesus’ distinctive message was: People are sinful and need to be redeemed, and this is your lucky day because I’m here to redeem you even though you don’t deserve it, and I have to get the crap kicked out of me to do it. That is the reason He is called “Christ the Redeemer” rather than “Christ the Moron Driving Around in a Volvo With a ‘Be Nice to People’ Bumper Sticker on It.”

Coulter’s racism, intolerance, isolationist attitudes, xenophobia and general nastiness are summed up in her statement that came with her pro-Trump rant:

What is the point of talking about abortion or anything else unless you get Donald Trump in to build the wall, deport illegals, end this ‘anchor baby’ nonsense, stop importing 100,000 Muslims a year, in addition to two million Third Worlders per year. It’s madness what this country has been doing.

Build a wall around America, you Jezebel. Keep out all the foreigners, and their heretical products… Oops. You just killed WalMart and about 90% of American box retail stores. Stop allowing immigrants so you can inbreed, and not pollute the schools or politics with different points of view.

The best part of the piece comes towards the end:

If Trump loses, Coulter said, she will probably “stop wasting my time on politics” since “a Republican can never be elected president” if the country fails to enact severe restrictions on immigration.

The white supremacist give up on politics? We can only hope.